blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We are two peas in an std pod
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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