It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
