holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
