my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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