Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
