a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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