What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
