super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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