i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
