I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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