hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
