I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
