Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
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You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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