I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
