Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
