plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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