Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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