I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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