Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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