First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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