i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
