5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
