You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
