i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
