It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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