he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
