if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
