Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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