There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
