I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dick very happy bro
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
