I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
