Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
