I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
