idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have already put on my inside pants.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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