Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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