you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize