Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
