we're blogging at a bar
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
