it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
