Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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