I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
