Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize