please come you make the beer taste better
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
