So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
