You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
