DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
