Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I currently don't understand fingers.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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