Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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