Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
