I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
