Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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