There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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