dude i'm inner monologue high
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
