Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
