Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
