I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He better not be in your backpack
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
