Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
