I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
