I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
