If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
