I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
