yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Jerry, you need to find god
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
