i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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