so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize