I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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