You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
