Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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