fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
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why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
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Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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