I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
