you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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