A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Ladies don't puke and tell
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
