why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
