I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
