Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
