your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
