Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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