I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
